Death

So here I am. Sitting in a hotel room in Phoenix. It's around midnight. Husband is sleeping.

We are down here because my nephew died. And I have to talk about it. No one here is. First off, I have never seen people deal with death in such a unique way. I think I've heard one mention of him since we've been down here. I know he kinda wanted to fade away, but this is ridiculous. There is no funeral, not even an obit. This is very weird to me. Not bad, just different.

When a family member dies in my family there is usually a viewing and a funeral. During this time there is much talk of the deceased and all the good times that were had. This is throwing me off. Sometimes, being here I get the feeling that I'm not wanted (or is it needed?) here. Like their grief is so private that it is not necessary for me to be here to mourn with them. Does that make any sense?

So because we have literally been just sitting around I've had a lot of time to think. I realized how saddened I am that I have not forged a closer relationship with my sister-in-law. I see her sitting and look sad and want to talk to her, but I don't feel it's my place to do so. I guess I've watched too many TV shows. I always pictured when I got married that if he had a sister we would become a least semi-close. Same with when my brother got married. But that won't be happening either.
See to much time to think.

This sucks. Social guidelines tell me that it is impolite to complain about being bored during a family tragedy. But I am. Well not really bored. I feel trapped. We have just been sitting around the house, watching TV and playing with the dogs. I just can't leave for a little bit and escape. Every time I do, everyone else is tagging along. Like the other day I wanted to go get a pair of sandals (because it's hot here) and I wanted to ask my sister-in-law(and mother-in-law) because I thought it might be nice for her to get out of the house. You know, just the girls getting away. But then my father-in-law and husband decided to tag along. I was shopping for like five minutes before they started complaining. Did they not listen when I said I was going SHOE SHOPPING?

I know I shouldn't be complaining this much in light of this tragedy, but I just feel confined. Confined by the limitations this whole situation has put me in. I feel awful for their loss, I really do. I just feel awkward because I don't know how to act.

We are going home tomorrow. I really want to be in my own bed again.

Wow, look what I can do.

So I am now finding out how to spice up my blog. I know, my words of wisdom are enough, but I thought it might be nice to add visual pleasure. Stay tune for more changes. Maybe I'll even start writing more. =)

Everyone has an opinion

I like Twilight. There I said it. Why do I like? Well it's a vampire book. So what's wrong with that? Why is it a crime to like something for no other reason than you just do?

I find it hilarious that the people who hate Twilight act like they are of superior intelligence. "Twliight is dumb, read something else." These people spout off lengthy(and boring) reasons why Twilight is published diarrhea and not once do I see them telling me to read a physics, math or history book. You know, a book that might actually expand my knowledge.

The primary reason as to why they don't like Twilight is that Bella is a weak woman and Edward is a masochist. I guess they have never seen a romance book. Young adult books are not meant to be literary geniuses. I use to read "Goosebumps" but R.L. Stine. Anyone? All these types of books are there to encourage kids to reads and toy with their imaginations.

They also whine about a Bella sees herself as ugly, even though she is not. Now, how many women are self-conscious about how they look, raise your hands. Exactly, unless you're a narissus. Yeah, it's a bit much, complaining always, but I've been guilty of the same thing. I guess next time I see an anorexic person I'll just tell them to quit whining about how fat they think look.

I don't find reality in books. My parents raise me and taught me most of what I needed to know, not a book. Because if it did then I would be crazy. =) Everyone has opinions (hint: that's why it's an opinion.). I know people won't like this book or probably most others I read and that is their opinion. Go read a book you do like and let me read the ones I like. I don't care if you like a book or not and you can say so, but please don't treat others like they are stupid for liking it. Instead belittle those who watch shows like "The Hills," because that show is retarded and lowers IQs. =)

Ooh, one more additional item. I read a blog post that was critizing Twilight (hence the reason for my post) and the blogger was irritated that Stephanie Meyer never explained why the vampires glitter. Well, it has never been explained in a sufficent manner as to why other vampires burn in the sun. I Am Legend did make an attempt. You might site religious reasons, but that would be faulty logic considering not ever vampire is replused by a cross.

Okay, I am finished. I better not trip getting off my soapbox this time.

Damn taxes, stupid governement

I know all of us who actually pay taxes, hate it with a passion. For the second year in a row of the five years we have been married, my husband and I had to PAY taxes. No rebate for us. So on top of the taxes that are removed from our paychecks we had to pay more. For what? Nothing. Just so the government can steal more money from us and give to others. So why all these "advocates" are fighting about what the first admendment should cover, they are completely skipping over the double, triple and quadrupale taxation that is taking place in this country. Oh, it's probably because they are one of the special interest groups that receive money. Our money.

My husband and I are not rich, but we are well off. My husband has an excellent sense of finance.(If it can be called a sense) He knows that saving money is important and is making sure we have money to retire off of. And we are punished for that. If I calm that as a form of toture will President B.O. put a stop to it? Because we all know that his buddies aren't paying into that one trillion dollar "stimilus" package with their tax money. (Psst, remember they "forget" to pay taxes.)

We also have no kids, so that means we are not getting paid to breed. Don't give me a lecture on how much kids cost because all of you who have a herd of children don't really pay for them anyway. All these large families get to put in for all sorts of free (or reduced) stuff. You get more money back then you pay in taxes. I don't get that money that goes to the schools back. Maybe it's time people actually start paying for their kids. I should be rewarded for not added to the population.

But back to the point that really pissed me off today. My husband loses about half of his salary to taxes and then we have to pay more?! What the hell! The U.S. Government is nothing but a bunch of thieves! And living in Utah, a "Republican" state doesn't help at help. They tax the shit out of us. Republicans or Democrats, it doesn't matter anymore. All of them want to rip us off to pay for their lobbyists (or bribers if you will), illegals and other special interest groups who feign like they are looking out for us.

Maybe one year all of us in middle American (you know the ones that the east and west coasters pretend don't exist) should "forget" to pay our taxes. I demand an itemized list of every single thing that the government sends of money on and that includes this "stimulus" package. Oh, and those of you who received $600 or $1200 from the government last year be aware that you need to pay taxes on that money as it is considered income. Yeah, getting the money that was stolen by the government back is income.

We are nothing but cowards anymore. More concerned with the race of a president than what these politicians are doing to this country. Hey let's sue the American government. Especially for this "stimulus" package. If the illegals can do it, why can't we? (Cause we are not illegal, right?)

Ban lobbyists, set term limits and if any politicians wants a raise, we the people should vote on it. I know it will never be perfect, but it may be time to flush the system.

Hey, I'm surprised I didn't swear more.

Rip-off Virgin

The whole reason I am with Virgin is because I don't use the cell phone that often. Every other service provider likes to charge a daily use fee. Usually starting about a dollar. Which is stupid because you are already paying by minute (or text). Now Virgin wants to start charging .15 istead of .10. I'm pretty sure they are doing this just to try to force us to buy their monthly plans. But that's not why I bought Virgin. I don't talk alot and I don't what a monthly fee. I mostly texted and the year fee of $90 usually lasts for the whole year. They also offer things like unlimited text so I looked into it.




The top picture shows that you can get unlimited text for $10 a month. Not too bad of a price, but not nesaccarily a great deal if you don't send many texts. Isn't that the reason why most people get pay as you go? The bottom picture shows, after clicking on the $10 a month unlimited in red link in the bottom picture, that you only get that price if you already pay for one of their monthly plans. What a rip-off. I'm so tired of this. No one can just let you pay. Always ripping you off with their "monthly plans."

Not to mention they are charging $79.99 for unlimited calls (I don't think text is included). How stupid is this? Well, for us anyways. Virgin has suck ass coverage. Anyone could get Verizon for $99 and they do have great coverage.

I guess I'm stuck paying it, but depending on how fast I go through it, I may have to drop it. Thank, Virgin Wireless.

I can live without it, but because everyone else walks around saying they can't live without their cell, the cellphone companies know the can charge whatever they want.

Stupid Snow

I cannot stand driving in the snow. First, the roads are awful. Second, Kaysville doesn't plow worth a shit, even though they raised our taxes, but say it's not in the budget. Hey, here's an idea, let's stop giving the knocked up greedy teenage sluts money and start plowing more. And finally, I hate all the retarded drivers out there.

We have had several heavy snow storms this year and it has made the roads difficult to drive. What would a normal person do? Hmmm, slow the hell down. But, noooooo, this assholes in their trucks, SUVS and other 4 wheel drive vehicles think they can drive like they are in NASCAR. Your car is not invinsible, you dumbass. I admit, I might drive slightly slower than needed when snow blankets the road, but that does not mean you should ride my ass. If you can't stop and run into me guess who is buying me a new car?

I just hope that one day I'll watch as one of this assholes run off the road and then I will stop and laugh. Stop, take pictures and fucking laugh my ass off!

Too many people means we have a mob mentality and mobs are dumb as shit.

Here I Am. . .

Alone in my head,
thoughts raging against me,
I feel broken.