Random.

Long time, no post. Hee. I never know what to say. But I'm like that in real life too. I get awkward, my mind goes blank and I got nothing say. I do alot of thinking though. Sometimes I think about how stuck I feel. Like I'm going no where, like I've accomplished nothing. Do you ever feel that something has to give?

A couple weeks ago I was lying in bed and had a strong sense of my mortality. It was like a huge weight has dropped on me. I saw black, darkness, a void. Like when this life is gone, there will be nothing. I'm not scared of death. I think I'm more scared of being unproductive and useless in this life.

I'm not trying to say that my life is not a happy one, it is. I sometimes just feel like I'm not living up to the expectations that people have for me. The reason that bothers me so much is not because I have to be perfect for everyone, but because I feel like I want to live up to them. I wanted to be successful in these things.

My brain is an interesting place.

Next thought on my mind: Can I really start running again?